My Fault

March 5, 2012

Daniel 9:4-10, Psalm 79:8-13, Luke 6:36-38

The readings talk about forgiveness, that to be forgiven, we should forgive first. When we ask for forgiveness, it means we’ve wronged someone. I’ve wronged a few people recently and I’m sure God is one of those.

I’ve done a few stupid things last week. Fun it may be, it was the wrong and stupid thing to do at that time. I failed God and I think myself. It was only on Saturday was I able to realize that. Of course I asked God for forgiveness. I’m sure He already forgave me. But for every thing that we do, for every choice that we make, there’s always a consequence and right now I feel I’m being punished. Not that God wants to punish me but I have to understand that I can’t get away with things that easily, that there’s something I have to learn here.

On Saturday, when I realized my faults, that gave God the signal that I’m ready to take the punishment, and I’m gong through it now. I’m an emotional wreck. I really don’t know what to feel or think. I’m paranoid, jealous, envious, and sad. Totally “unhypergized”. I’m fine, where fine stands for Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. I know I deserve this so i’m not questioning God with His decision. His ways are above my ways. His action need no explanation.

I’m just praying for one thing: Please don’t take “it” away from me. I’ve been praying that I might receive this “thing” recently. I think He’s not giving me a “no”. More like “wait” or “maybe”. I’d take those as long as it’s not a no. But I have to learn to accept right now that if ever I don’t receive “it”, it’s probably God has something better for me. For now, I’m going to fight for it, show Him that i deserve it.

Anyway, i just want to say that I’m not perfect. I didn’t put this blog just to show that I’m better than everyone else or I’m perfect ‘coz i’m not. Heck, I have self-steem issues! I just want to be this open and share my life with others, hoping that I might inspire or touch someone’s life through whatever I post here. Thank you for reading. God bless! =)



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